What would be the essential ingredients of a modern day screenplay of a Bollywood blockbuster? A murder mystery with recursive double-crossing twists-and-turns set in the maximum city. A powerful and corrupt government officer with the split personality (aka chemical locha) of Gandhi enacting the scenes of Munnabhai part 2 version 2. A leading Bollywood actress in double role satiating your need for voyeurism into more than a pound of flesh of Mumbai high society (ala Madhur Bhandarkar). A tribal from the forgotten India navigating the class biases of a shallow and racist society. A rags-to-riches story of an average slumdweller with high aspirations and less-than-ethical, yet justifiable actions (ala Manmohan Desai). A rich-girl-poor-boy love affair between Mr. Rangeela and an innocent girl trying to free herself from the clutches and ironies of her affluent family. A criminal politician whose blind ambition justifies all means to the end, even if that means the murder of his bratty son engaged in a re-enactment of multiple high-profile cases that the media has over-covered in the last decade. A mid-Western American with a southern drawl caught in the chaos of a country where call centers, terrorism, xeno-sychophancy and underdeveloped infrastructure are an obvious reality. A fast-paced action-packed sequence leaving ample scope for songs in rains with a wet saree, in a disco with an entry requirement of low necklines, around trees with euphemistic flowers with euphemistic bees on it, with angry close-ups and high-bass anthem humming, with intense sarod and sarangi crescendos forcing a tear by brute force, and a secular all-inclusive dance number at the end when everyone lives happily ever after and karmic justice prevails. A story with vendetta, violence, variety, vainglory, venality and finally the big V, victory that a Bollywood story must have at the end. A resounding thunderous clap would buzz in your ears as you walk out of the cinema hall after consuming 1,000 deep-fried calories purchased at one rupee per calorie.
